Words can't express, but I'll try...

Having quiet moments to myself is not a good thing right now. Normally I would accept those opportunities with open arms, but right now it only brings a sadness and pain that I don't want to feel. So in efforts to stop my mindless pacing the floors and scatter-brained day, I'm going to blog and try to release some of my built up... what's the word... frustrations/sadness... I don't know. I don't even know how to sort out my feelings right now.

My brother Travis' body is no longer responding to the chemo treatments, and the cancer has rapidly spread. If you want a more detailed explanation of what's going on check out Mandy's blog Wonderings of a Wannabe. I don't think I've ever used the word crappy so much in my life. It's almost getting to the point that the word sounds funny and weird to me now. Crappy news, crappy cancer, crappy earthly life, crappy, crappy, crappy! (Is it getting funny to anyone else yet?) And I don't know about you, but I'm ready for the second coming!

So, the bright side (this is where the "words can't express, but I'll try" comes in)...
- I look forward to spending a lot of time with my family this next little while. We have all sorts of fun things planned.

- The weather is absolutely beautiful!

- The spirit is so strong in my life. Trials will do that to ya :)

- Although I've gone through some crappy things, I was able to sincerely empathize with the Peek family today as they've experienced the same loss I have by losing their mom. I know that doesn't sound like a bright side, but it made me feel good that my words to them weren't just words. They were heart felt and I know they know that because we've gone through the same thing. Does that even make sense?

- Relationships are at their strongest right now. I love my husband, my kids, my dad, my brothers, my cousins, my aunts, my friends, my bishop, the list goes on and on.

- I have a huge support system around me. Thanks everyone who has called, e-mailed, texted or come by to express your love. It really does help.

- Even more important, Travis and his family has a huge support system. People are so amazing. I have been shown many wonderful examples of compassion and thoughtfulness.

I'm feeling better now. It never ceases to amaze me that when you count your blessings, hard things become easier. There's ALWAYS so much to be grateful for.