So last night after book club me, Mandy, and Jenny sat talking in the driveway for a while. And a question that has been on my mind ever since then is, why are women so against asking for help from others? I'm sure the answer is different for everyone and maybe I'm being presumptuous in thinking that most women are like this. I just know that I have a really hard time myself asking others for help. For me, I think it's a prideful thing. I care way too much what others think of me. Asking for help would show a vulnerability or a sense that I don't have it together. Maybe if asking for help were something that was the norm, I too would feel more comfortable doing it myself. But unfortunately that's not the norm. (But maybe I'm way wrong and everyone is out there asking each other for help. Just no one asks me. In that case I have a whole other issue. So if this is the case let me know so I can blog whine about it.) Because trust me, there have been numerous times I have needed the help, but would die first before asking a friend or neighbor to help me out. I'll endure my trial or stress before I ask for help. Of course if someone were to call me up and say, whether you like it or not I'm helping, I'd probably step back and let them help. But unless we're all in tune with the spirit 24/7 (which I'm being presumptuous again in saying a lot of us usually aren't) it doesn't always work out like that. So basically, this is something that bugs me, but at the same time I don't know what can be done about it. What does everyone else think? Does anyone else feel the same, or am I just being a baby about it?
Fourth of July fun.
12 years ago
8 comments:
Aleesha, I totally agree with you. I think alot of women feel like they have to look like they have it all together, because everyone else does. I know if things aren't going well for me, I'm the last to admit, even to my mom, that I need help. We are trained to help others, not need it ourselves. But at the same time, I am not good at helping others, or knowing what to do for them unless they do ask. I live in my own little bubble. Please ask me if you ever need something, because to me, I think you always have it all together! I love your blog rambling this post, it almost sounds like mine! :)
Here's my take... the reason why I don't like to ask for help is that I feel like I am putting the other guy out. Like I would be adding just another stress to their already busy life. The other day I was wiping down my walls for a little spring cleaning and thought how much funnier it would be to do it with a friend. But then I was embarrassed to even ask. My mom and her sister use to take turns over at each other's house doing the not so fun spring cleaning chores together. Any takers? I would gladly come clean your blinds or wash a baseboard if we were in the same room chatting. Think about it, we all have dirt, why hide it???
I agree 100% with you. I didn't feel that way with Kennedy but when I had the twins it changed everything. I admit it I have crazy kids that have alot of energy and I am afraid to add to anyone elses crazy lifes even though deep down I know they wouldn't mind cause I don't. I've had as many as 7 kids running around my house with just me there. They keep each other busy so it's not that bad. If you ever need to drop off your kids you are more than welcome too. I know you probably have doctor appts. to go to and that wouldn't be easy with all the kids. You could even just drop off the two boys and take Mya. With the weather getting better I can toss them all in the backyard. I really really don't mind so call me if you ever do. I've had Michelle, Stacy, Liz, Jaclyn, and Jenny all drop off their kids before so don't be afraid to ask and I am almost always home.
Oh and Diana from what I've seen of Alicia's house there isn't any dirt to be cleaned up but my house on the other hand.
I really have had a hard time with this also. I have had to rely on others a lot lately for all of Tessa's appointments. I think something we all need to remember is that when we ask for help it is letting someone else get blessings from doing service for us. I ask a lot and really crave the opportunity to help others, but don't always see those opportunities. I am as bad as anyone to ask for help though! I guess we all know that we all have trials and need help, lets drop the fears and pride and help each other. I know that is something I am really trying to work on!
I am not positive- but it seems to me that no one is perfect- even if they may appear to be so. Just remember that when you need help- it is better to show a weakness- people will feel like they have less to live up to. We are all here to help each other- sometimes you just have to ask. Ask me ANYTIME- you know I ask you sometimes :)
From my limited experience- you will need a little help with number four- just to keep the chaos at a minimum. I am still not back to feeling like I have it all in complete control.
Aleesha, I love the fact that you brought up this subject. I noticed how you told Mandy you were in the mood to do some decorating and asked if it was okay to come do her front room. Your mom would have wanted to help in this same way, she was always doing these kind of things for me. I think it was neat that Mandy was so willing to let you do it. Aleesha, I'll aways be here for you if you need anything. Things are so much more enjoyable to do when its done with a friend. We need to get together and talk about the good old days.
How was your weekend away?
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