It's been such a long time since I've done a yoga post. Last year Maya had dance during yoga class and the Friday class was cancelled, so I haven't even been regular to yoga classes for nearly a year. With the new fall schedule I am now able to attend Monday yoga classes!! And let me tell you, it feels good to be back! Today we had a substitute teacher.... a guy. When he walked in I got a little nervous. I wasn't sure how his style of teaching would be, and I was pretty sure that whatever it was, it would be hard. Well, the first thing he said to us was that we are officially into the month of October, which means we are officially into the season of change. With that being said, he wanted us to think about that notion for the rest of our session. And boy did I ever think about it! In terms of our actual yoga class change was all around me. I was going back to yoga for a change. I had a male instructor for a change. His teaching style was definitely a change. I learned several techniques to make a change and better my yoga experience. Change was all around me. And for the most part, all the change was for the better.
At the end of our class, the instructor read a few quotes about change. In my own interpretation he said, often times change happens regardless of whether we want it to or not (don't I know that for sure!). We have the option to accept the change and go forward with our lives or we can choose to linger on what was. When we choose the latter, we can't progress. If we choose to accept the change we can live a rich life full of experiences. When he said that I truly had a light bulb moment! Change has happened to me, period. Have I accepted this change? Sometimes. What really got to me though was his statement of, "if we choose to accept the change, we can live a rich life full of experiences." I do feel like the times that I'm wallowing in my sorrows about life with out my mom and brother, my life is stunted. I'm at a standstill and that's usually when the anxiety and depression hit me. I don't want my trials and the changes that have happened to me hold me back in my progression in this life. I want to be able to use those changes to make my life more rich. I want to be able to look back and say I am a better person because of the way I handled the unwanted change that was thrown my way.
Our instructor also talked about voluntary change. He said that often times we are afraid of change. Why are we afraid? Sometimes it's not because we're afraid to let go of the now, and it's not because we're afraid of what's to come (that's where I thought the fear comes from), but it's because we're afraid of the inbetween. He said we'll be like Linus when it's time for his blanket to be washed... scared because we don't have something to hold onto. That first step is the hardest. That step that leaves us from what we're use to, to the unkown hope of the better that's awaiting us. But as soon as we leave that middle ground and take the second step, it's not so scarry anymore. The inbetween is just for a moment. I have really put some thought into this whole change thing. This is a season of change and I want to change with it. I have been praying for the longest time that I might find physical peace. Mentally I've been on the right path and I can honestly say that I'm happy. But for some reason physically I'm just not there. I'm still tense all the time, my body aches, I'm always tired in the day and then wide awake at night, my breathing patterns are out of wack, and I can't seem to get my eating habits on a healthy track. Well, I think that today's yoga class was a little answer to my prayer. Change needs to happen. Quite shockingly without even having to think about it, I knew exactly the first item of change that needed to happen... my "lists." (I seriously did not see that coming. That's how I knew that it was an answer to my prayers). I have been a slave to my lists and it subconciously has created tension and stress in my life. I stress out if the things on my list aren't getting checked off. I stress out if something that's not on my list needs to get done because it wasn't planned and accounted for so I don't get the satisfaction of checking it off. Plus, there's other things on my list that need to get done and I'm being held back by this unplanned thing. Or sometimes there's something that I want to get done and can't because it's not on my list. And as the months have gone on I have a growing list of things that "have" to be on the list in order to have a smooth running household. My weekly list has gotten so large that I have to get 6-7 things done a day on this ever growing list. And then I have a bad feeling when there's things that I know have to get done like, eat lunch or shower but they're not on my list. So I began to add them to my list and I have begun to feel as though my life is dictated by this list. There's no wiggle room. Plus there's so many things in this life that can't be accounted for and planned, like tantrums and serving others (no, those don't go hand in hand). I guess it's kind of an OCD thing that has been secretly causing me stress. So the first thing I did when I got home was throw away my list. And guess what? Today has been so relaxing. Don't get me wrong, I still had things that needed to be done and I did them all. But to not have that list looming over me felt great!! I always thought I NEEDED a list to keep me on track and help me from getting stressed out. Who knew it was the cause of some of my stress. (Is everyone freaked out now by my wierd List obsession? You all know you have your wierd nonsense things that you do to!) This is a HUGE change for me, so I think I'm just going to stick to this change for the time being and get use to it. It's so true though that the inbetween part is the hardest. That moment right after I threw my list away and wasn't quite sure how to go about the rest of my day was rather scarry. I didn't have my Linus blanket anymore to hold onto. Today went rather well though. I just hope I don't start freaking out come Thursday, lost without my list. Wish me luck!
Our instructor also talked about voluntary change. He said that often times we are afraid of change. Why are we afraid? Sometimes it's not because we're afraid to let go of the now, and it's not because we're afraid of what's to come (that's where I thought the fear comes from), but it's because we're afraid of the inbetween. He said we'll be like Linus when it's time for his blanket to be washed... scared because we don't have something to hold onto. That first step is the hardest. That step that leaves us from what we're use to, to the unkown hope of the better that's awaiting us. But as soon as we leave that middle ground and take the second step, it's not so scarry anymore. The inbetween is just for a moment. I have really put some thought into this whole change thing. This is a season of change and I want to change with it. I have been praying for the longest time that I might find physical peace. Mentally I've been on the right path and I can honestly say that I'm happy. But for some reason physically I'm just not there. I'm still tense all the time, my body aches, I'm always tired in the day and then wide awake at night, my breathing patterns are out of wack, and I can't seem to get my eating habits on a healthy track. Well, I think that today's yoga class was a little answer to my prayer. Change needs to happen. Quite shockingly without even having to think about it, I knew exactly the first item of change that needed to happen... my "lists." (I seriously did not see that coming. That's how I knew that it was an answer to my prayers). I have been a slave to my lists and it subconciously has created tension and stress in my life. I stress out if the things on my list aren't getting checked off. I stress out if something that's not on my list needs to get done because it wasn't planned and accounted for so I don't get the satisfaction of checking it off. Plus, there's other things on my list that need to get done and I'm being held back by this unplanned thing. Or sometimes there's something that I want to get done and can't because it's not on my list. And as the months have gone on I have a growing list of things that "have" to be on the list in order to have a smooth running household. My weekly list has gotten so large that I have to get 6-7 things done a day on this ever growing list. And then I have a bad feeling when there's things that I know have to get done like, eat lunch or shower but they're not on my list. So I began to add them to my list and I have begun to feel as though my life is dictated by this list. There's no wiggle room. Plus there's so many things in this life that can't be accounted for and planned, like tantrums and serving others (no, those don't go hand in hand). I guess it's kind of an OCD thing that has been secretly causing me stress. So the first thing I did when I got home was throw away my list. And guess what? Today has been so relaxing. Don't get me wrong, I still had things that needed to be done and I did them all. But to not have that list looming over me felt great!! I always thought I NEEDED a list to keep me on track and help me from getting stressed out. Who knew it was the cause of some of my stress. (Is everyone freaked out now by my wierd List obsession? You all know you have your wierd nonsense things that you do to!) This is a HUGE change for me, so I think I'm just going to stick to this change for the time being and get use to it. It's so true though that the inbetween part is the hardest. That moment right after I threw my list away and wasn't quite sure how to go about the rest of my day was rather scarry. I didn't have my Linus blanket anymore to hold onto. Today went rather well though. I just hope I don't start freaking out come Thursday, lost without my list. Wish me luck!
2 comments:
Wow Aleesha! You are an answer to my prayer right now...this was just the "wake up" call I needed today. Can I just say amen! Growing up in the military change was part of life! I embraced it and went with it. Now that I have kids and a more stable life I am now the type that is hanging onto the door frame with nails dug in when it comes to change and moving on. This was a great post - thank you! And no...the list thing isn't weird. I love making mine each morning, each week...lists of all sorts of things. I love lists, but agree it stresses me out sometimes too. Such a good way to be organized though. I am on the fence with that one. Anyway, sorry for the long comment...your post woke me up.
Aleesha - this post is just another one of the reasons that I love you so much! I love how President Utchdorf put it at Women Conference that I stand holding my golden ticket so tight that I don't move forward. Be free of your lists! Hooray! I need your yoga posts - and probably yoga! Been seriously thinking of heading back to the gym. It's just scary to walk in the door and say I want to join. I know, silly!!
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